I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
