whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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