I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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