I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
