You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Say something about gay babies.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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