here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
