There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
