fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
