no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
