I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the condom got lost in my hair
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
