every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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