Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
