So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
