duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
