According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
