Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
