Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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