Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
