I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
