I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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