barbara walters just said penis...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just pee around me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
