and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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