Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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