i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
