so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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