when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize