The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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