In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
