dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
