My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
that's an acceptable place to lick
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
