The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
