porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
