you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
