I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
