Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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