yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The uberlube is also flammable
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
