I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize