Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
