My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
