And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
