but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
