Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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