I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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