Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
