I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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