i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
