whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
