I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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