Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize