dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Damn victory sex feels great
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
