Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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