is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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