I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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