Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
