What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
