he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
