My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
