Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
