I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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