What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
