god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Houston, we have a blender
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
